The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEYYes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think ‘Oh my God, I’m James Blunt, what have I done?’
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My wife bought me a vintage Gibson guitar that isn’t just beautiful but has tremendous sentimental value. I have plenty of guitars for live gigs but this is one to treasure.
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This shed does not contain me.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Relaxed Empiricism — I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
BILL BAILEY