Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEYYes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you’ve got to admire the workmanship.
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Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
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I’m a vegetarian, I’m not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they’re nearly fish aren’t they.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time.
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I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Three blokes go into a pub. One of them is a little bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitability.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY






