But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
BILL BAILEYCome to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
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There we go, that’s it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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I’m quite lucky, because I’ve got a small, decorative concrete pig.
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Contentment is knowing you’re right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY