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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.

Bob Hope

We’re on our way to the Persian Gulf. Wait! It’s a mistake! I thought they said Persian Golf.
BOB HOPE

Golf Mistake Persian Waiting Way
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.
BOB HOPE

Men One Line Religious
Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.
BOB HOPE

Frozen Guy People
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
BOB HOPE

Balls Forever Gifts Good Greatest Laughter Thank
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
BOB HOPE

Flying Funny Travel Luggage
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot.
BOB HOPE

Courses Decide Golf Play Spring
I was lucky I wasn’t a better boxer, or that’s what I’d be now – a punchy ex-pug.
BOB HOPE

Adversity Better Lucky Now Pugs
Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.
BOB HOPE

Drinking Kissing Tea
I like to play in the low 70’s. If it gets any hotter than that I’ll stay in the bar!
BOB HOPE

Bars Golf Hotter Play
President Eisenhower has given up golf for painting. It takes fewer strokes.
BOB HOPE

Golf Painting President
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Money People
America is a country where the Olympics and the divorce lawyers both have the same slogan – Go for the Gold.
BOB HOPE

Country Funny Humorous
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell

Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.

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Everybody knows what California smog is – that’s fog with the vitamins removed.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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