“Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.”

Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.

It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.

On one hole, I hit an alligator so hard, he’s now my golf bag.

Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.

Sure Vietnam is a dirty war. I’ve never heard of a clean one.

Kissing is like drinking tea with a tea strainer, you can never get enough.

Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.

It’s so cold here in Washington, D.C., that politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

I do try to work out a little. I go swimming twice a day. It beats buying golf balls.

I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.

Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.

He hits the ball 130 yards and his jewelry goes 150.

Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.

I was called Rembrandt Hope in my boxing days, because I spent so much time on the canvas.

The help (in Japan) is very polite. They bow so much, you don’t know which end to talk to.

Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.

The philosophy behind much advertising is based on the old observation that every man is really two men – the man he is and the man he wants to be.

For time is the longest distance between two places.

The last sound on the worthless earth will be two human beings trying to launch a homemade spaceship and already quarreling about where they are going next.

When I got my Nobel Prize, I had spent hardly 200 rupees on my equipment.

You see, baby, after a glass or two of wine I’m inclined to extravagance.

There are two sides to this Baptism: The first is, you possess the Spirit; The second is that the Spirit possesses you.

To live two days in succession on the same spiritual plane is a tragedy

There are, in effect, two things, to know and to believe one knows; to know is science; to believe one knows is ignorance.