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There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

Bob Hope

I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters.
BOB HOPE

Giving Golf Sweaters Up
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
BOB HOPE

May Watches World
That’s life. The older you get, the tougher it is to score.
BOB HOPE

Dieting Golf Loss Weight
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
BOB HOPE

Fields Flatterers Golf Shooting
You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
BOB HOPE

Age Country Middle People Weightlifting
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
BOB HOPE

Blow Home Hurricane Tornadoes Typhoon Worry
The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I’ve been doing that all my life.
BOB HOPE

Bombers Bombs Hell
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
BOB HOPE

Arrive Giving Ideas Still Two
Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.
BOB HOPE

Balls Golf Play
Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees.
BOB HOPE

Business Golf Green Pay
The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.
BOB HOPE

Apart Dog Miles Pet Tree
I’ve been playing the game so long that my handicap is in Roman numerals.
BOB HOPE

Games Golf Numeral Roman
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
BOB HOPE

Gun Makeup Men Spray
I don’t bother to look for parking space anymore. As soon as I get near Hollywood Boulevard … I sell.
BOB HOPE

Anymore Country Funny Soon Space
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
BOB HOPE

Aspiration Funny Presidential Running States
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
BOB HOPE

Country Kissing Lazy Love People

There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

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There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.

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Popular Authors

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