“Every father expects his boy to do the things he wouldn’t do when he was young.”

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

When a woman says, ‘I don’t wish to mention any names’, it means it ain’t necessary to mention any names.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he’s overcharging you.

Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speechmaker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? “

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

Back then I was still appalled that God would set down his barefoot boy and girl dollies into an Eden where, presumably, He had just turned loose elephantiasis and microes that eat the human cornea. Now I understand, God is not just rooting fo the dollies.

If I can make a generalization, men get into politics because, from the time they’re little boys, they’ve been wanting to be President.

Scouting is a game for boys under the leadership of boys under the direction of a man.

The Good Turn will educate the boy out of the groove of selfishness.

I call on men and boys everywhere to join us. Violence against women and girls will not be eradicated until all of us – men and boys – refuse to tolerate it.

A fisherman does not bait his hook with food he likes. He uses food the fish likes. So with boys.

Achieving gender equality requires the engagement of women and men, girls and boys. It is everyones responsibility.

What is my task? To get the gospel around the world in the shortest possible time to every man and woman and boy and girl!