“The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.”

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, an’ it keeps on laughin’.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what’s going to be will be postponed

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he’s overcharging you.

Flattery won’t hurt you if you don’t swallow it.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

“Why doesn’t the fellow who says, “I’m no speechmaker,” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? “

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

University: … a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.

I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.

A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.

We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.

Now God be thanked that the name of a hill is such music, that the name of a river can heal.

Have a go. Anybody can do it.

You think you KNOW when you learn.

If a can opener no longer has the capacity to open cans, what is it?

You do get really exhausted doing films. You work such long hours, and after a while, things can get out of perspective, just like if anyone’s tired, things get on top of them.

And if it can be explained that it can be explained away.’ ‘But this is History. Distance yourselves.