Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
PHYLLIS DILLERAlways be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.
PHYLLIS DILLER