The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
PHYLLIS DILLERBurt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
PHYLLIS DILLER






