It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNSI’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
More George Burns Quotes
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When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
GEORGE BURNS






