Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDMy father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can’t.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






