Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
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My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD