I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
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Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
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I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice – I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD