I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
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If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
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I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My wife can’t cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
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I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.
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I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
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I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
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My cousin’s gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






