Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women, it is simply a good excuse not to play football.
FRAN LEBOWITZSuccess didn’t spoil me, I’ve always been insufferable.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZ -
Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
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Nothing succeeds like address.
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My favorite animal is steak.
FRAN LEBOWITZ