Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KINGThe world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
ALAN KINGYou do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KINGIf you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
ALAN KINGThen, of course, you’re hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
ALAN KINGAs life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KINGI think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KINGLet’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
ALAN KINGWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
ALAN KINGMy brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KINGI was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KINGI had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KINGEverything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
ALAN KINGMy favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KINGMarriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KINGModesty is not one of my virtues.
ALAN KING