The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGWhen I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
More Alan King Quotes
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My lawyer said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” The lawyer frowned. “Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.”
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My mother’s sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
ALAN KING






