Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KINGNow that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
More Alan King Quotes
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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The other day my house caught fire.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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My father was a dreamer – my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady’s handbags.
ALAN KING






