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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

Alan King

My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
ALAN KING

Bed Eat Favorite Out Saturday Spend Sport Television Watch Way
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up ‘vaudeville’ in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says ‘Milton Berle’ – and he made it just a tremendous party.
ALAN KING

Alongside Dictionary Milton Party Took Tremendous Vaudeville
There’s a charm, there’s a rhythm, there’s a soul to Jewish humor.
ALAN KING

Charm Humor Rhythm Soul
Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
ALAN KING

Funny Holocaust Joke Make Occur People Way
One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
ALAN KING

Again Apple Cloudy Drank Faint Juice Little Morning Nurse One Pour Run Specimen Tube
Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore’s program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
ALAN KING

Confidence First Freedom Gave Lot People Program Sullivan Television
Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or ‘stage’ Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
ALAN KING

Humor Jew Joke Objectivity Only Refer Speak Stage Unfunny
Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
ALAN KING

Fight Keep Marriage Nature Stranger Way
I was a high school throw-out.
ALAN KING

High Out School Throw
When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn’t like it. I had to get even.
ALAN KING

Apple Every Gave Hospital Juice Morning
An old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: ‘Don’t end up like me.
ALAN KING

Always Big Consider End Failure Line Old Socialist Unionist
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING

Again Go Role Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex.
ALAN KING

Better Eat Much Other People Sex Some Special Talent Take Than Way
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING

Audience Big Comedy Identity Thing Think
You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
ALAN KING

Get Good Know Look Old People Tell

There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.

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