The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
ADAM CAROLLAYou don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that’s out of this world. I’ll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn’t have to be between Thai and Mexican every night.
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When I’m in power, here’s how I’m gonna put the country back on its feet. I’m going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the ‘tardiest of the ‘tards like the thick crust.
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If you’re a guy, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on at any time in the relationship, ever.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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Here’s what you know: you know when you’re getting laid, and you know when it’s all over. Those are the only two things you’re aware of.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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When you’re picking a basketball team, you’ll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you’re playing the odds.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money – do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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