Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLAYou don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t think healthcare’s a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
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He doesn’t sound like a guy who’s done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
ADAM CAROLLA