I get depressed at airports.
ADAM CAROLLAI’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I’m just gonna tell her, “Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they’ll have to hire you, they can’t really fire you, and you don’t have to produce that much. It’ll be awesome.”
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Everyone keeps saying, “Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating.” It’s like saying, “How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she’s been with Brad Pitt?” I don’t care.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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I’m not sexist, I’m just a realist.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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It’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
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You’re 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don’t have to kill yourself, you’re just waiting.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA