In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLAI know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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You shouldn’t be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can’t just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
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No, I had not read any other comedian’s book. Not that I don’t enjoy other comedians; I’m just not a reader.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I’m not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don’t even want them to laugh half the time.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.
ADAM CAROLLA






