I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
ADAM CAROLLAThere’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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I don’t know anything about computers.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
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I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
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If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA






