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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

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Agnostic Atheist Away Bigger Cancer Christian Screening Take

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I am not agnostic. I am atheist. I don’t think there is no God; I know there’s no God. I know there’s no God the same way I know many other laws in our universe.
ADAM CAROLLA

Agnostic Atheist God Law Thinking
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
ADAM CAROLLA

Adage Believe Grossly Overrated Yourself
Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ashtray College High Junior School
I don’t know anything about computers.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aware Computer Function Know Knowlege Work
I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle.
ADAM CAROLLA

Aisle Feeling Land Side Thing Views
I don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
ADAM CAROLLA

Best Each Friend Man Men Other Sex Spouse Thinking Tolerate Wife
I’ve always boxed, I always taught boxing.
ADAM CAROLLA

Always Boxed Boxing Fight Ring Taught Won
If in 1989 I said, ‘I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,’ they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
ADAM CAROLLA

Beer Bottle Butterfly Chased Idea Sell Water
Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
ADAM CAROLLA

Crocs Down Gay Look Realize Wearing
Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
ADAM CAROLLA

Desire Infused Need Office Passion Patriotism Place Probably Vigor
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I’ve worked with women, I’ve never had an issue with women.
ADAM CAROLLA

Daughter Issue Love Mother Much Women
They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLA

Advertize Bejeeezus Commercial Out Pie Seen Yogurt
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA

Money Myself Plenty Want Working
I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
ADAM CAROLLA

Like Performing Radio Stuff Television Watching
I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
ADAM CAROLLA

Annoyed Feel Like Time Travel Traveler

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