I’m really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it’s a million miles down the road.
ADAM CAROLLAI don’t like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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People look at me, and they go, ‘You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’
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Telling them to stop isn’t going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else’s museum, you never find out whether you’re Rembrandt or not.
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My motto is “more mystery, less history”.
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The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
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There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
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I don’t have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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The truth is we’re all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else’s book.
ADAM CAROLLA