I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
ADAM CAROLLAThat’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don’t like the television stuff as much.
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The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
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I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I’m not interested in hurting their feelings.
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Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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I don’t like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it’s the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they’re pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it’s about fudge packing and triple D’s at 13.
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I feel like I’m a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don’t know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
ADAM CAROLLA