The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
ADAM CAROLLAIt’s like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you’re gay.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I’d never hurt another person.
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The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they’re so suggestible.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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But the idea that I was making $10 an hour and stacking drywall while these guys were making a few hundred thousand, and they were having a party, and there were Playmates and there were good times, I just couldn’t imagine it.
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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If my blond lab Molly was the size of T-Rex, that would just mean more kibble, more work for the gardener in the backyard, and a harder time moving her to my wife’s side of the bed at night.
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If you’re conservative in Hollywood, you’re on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
ADAM CAROLLA