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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

Adam Carolla

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
ADAM CAROLLA

Insane Mean Million People Smartest Vote
Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn’t break it down piece by piece, stage by stage.
ADAM CAROLLA

Back Believe Build Door Job Overwhelming Stand Stuff
No one is depressed when they’re being chased by a bear.
ADAM CAROLLA

Bear Chasing Depressed
A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money.
ADAM CAROLLA

Chick Guy Mean Money People Successful Thinking
If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
ADAM CAROLLA

Business Dog Family Focus Fun Good Life
The shuttle is the worst $20 you’ll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been.
ADAM CAROLLA

Add Cab Car Knowing Shuttle Town Travel
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
ADAM CAROLLA

Explore Figure Funny Humor Nap Out
I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
ADAM CAROLLA

Care Connection Country Hollywood Protection
Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys.
ADAM CAROLLA

Ball Basketball Game Inspirational Playground Ymca
I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
ADAM CAROLLA

Anybody Attention Ill Money Power Thought Towards Will
If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
ADAM CAROLLA

Act Boom Country Driven Gay Golf Real Rule Section Value
Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
ADAM CAROLLA

Average Batting Delusional Good Hundred Percentage Pretty
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA

Brush Front never Own Pick Stand
It’s funny when you’re a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
ADAM CAROLLA

Acclimate Anything Funny Kid
We’re all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it.
ADAM CAROLLA

Animal Motivate Respond Same Sex Somebody Stimuli Thinking
I am not a good cue card reader.
ADAM CAROLLA

Card Cue Feeling Good Positive Reader

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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