This is why the terrorists hate us. And it’s not the glitter and it’s not the pomp and circumstance.
ADAM CAROLLAWhen I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
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I’m a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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I know there’s no God and I know most of the world knows that as well. They just won’t admit it because there’s another thing they know. They know they’re going to die and it freaks them out.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you’ll have a good life.
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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If you’ve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it’s like a golf course… Real estate values go ‘boom!’
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All TV is, is really: ‘Don’t you want to be this, aren’t you glad you’re not that.’ There’s nothing really in the middle.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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I get depressed at airports.
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. It’s an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.
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There are certain things women are better at than men.
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To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can’t you do.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
ADAM CAROLLA






