“Conservatives are more religious than liberals–although there is no evidence that they’re nicer people because of it.”

Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.

Don’t you hate it when, your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

If I’d known how many problems I was going to run into before I finished, I can’t remember a single project I would have started.

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “What are you thinking?”. She doesn’t care what you think.

Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.

Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.

Don’t take a butcher’s advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he’d be a chef.

I’ve learned, That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

Most of us aren’t that interested in getting rich- we just don’t want to get poor.

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.