I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
ANDY ROONEYI’ve learned that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.
More Andy Rooney Quotes
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Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
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The best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
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I’ve learned, That money doesn’t buy class.
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The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
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I don’t know anything offhand that mystifies Americans more than the cotton they put in pill bottles. Why do they do it? Are you supposed to put the cotton back in once you’ve taken a pill out?
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Once you pass forty, a dime isn’t worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.
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Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.
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I’ve learned that everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
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Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.
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We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers.
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I’m always on the lookout for something good about people. Often months go by.
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Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know where the time goes.” It goes the same place it’s always gone and no one has ever known where that is.
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I’ve learned. That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you more.
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I’ve learned, That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you’re hooked for life.
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We’re all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.
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Small daily happenings make life spectacular. Start enjoying the small things in life!
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Do I have opinions that might piss people off? Yes – that’s what I’m here for.
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I’ve learned, That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.
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Elephants and grandchildren never forget.
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Most of us believe everyone has a right to his own opinion – as long as it agrees with ours.
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When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.
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Go to bed. Whatever you’re staying up late for isn’t worth it.
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I’ve learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
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I’ve learned, That love, not time, heals all wounds.
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Unfortunately, propaganda works.
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I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that’s why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.
ANDY ROONEY