When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLENTo get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I had a very easy time loving an audience. But when it’s one-on-one with somebody, all I wanted to do was run away, because maybe they’re going to want something from me I can’t give, or they’re going to hurt me.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you are tired and most of your balls are missing.
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I’m sad for adults who want to be children. And children who want to be adults.
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I’m a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
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Men aren’t men until they can get to Sears by themselves.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN






