I have an only child. She’s so independent and good with adults.
TIM ALLENMan is the only animal to borrow tools.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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I blend memories. I blend them into one that’s funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
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The world’s a mean place. It’s unfair, then it’s fair. It’s hateful, then it’s loving. It’s a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
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My dad’s death reminds me of earthquakes – things that shake your foundation.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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I don’t understand why it has to be either – or – either socialism or democracy. Why can’t we combine things to get the best of each system?
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When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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I do a lot of family shows.
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Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I have always enjoyed do-it-yourself projects, .. Being in a position to actually help design and bring tools to market is an incredible opportunity. Being able to fund charities as a result is phenomenal.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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