Man is the only animal to borrow tools.
TIM ALLENThey say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Dog’s listen, or appear to listen. I think they hear blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah. They appear to be listening to you.
TIM ALLEN -
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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The ego is like a kid in the basement: It’s best to keep him busy.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Sometimes you get the sense that the Creator is getting to that point of “Yeah, we might have to reboot.”
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
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I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
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But separate a man from his car – that’s inhuman.
TIM ALLEN






