ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
AMBROSE BIERCEBrain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.
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Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.
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Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Wine, madam, is God’s next best gift to man.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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