Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
AMBROSE BIERCEBrain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think.
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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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