MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCESweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
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To the eye of failure success is an accident.
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Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
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There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
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Fear has no brains; it is an idiot.
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Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
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