Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
AMBROSE BIERCEMYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
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RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.
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Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
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Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
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Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
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Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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