Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
AMBROSE BIERCEMYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.
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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.
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Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
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Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.
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RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
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Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
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Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
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