Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
AMBROSE BIERCEWhat is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
-
-
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
To the eye of failure success is an accident.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Conversation, n.: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Life – a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
RUMOR, n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else
AMBROSE BIERCE -
Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE