“What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.”

Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

RATIONAL, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection.

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

Labor is one of the processes by which A acquires property for B.

Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

Alliance – in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.

I believe a time will come when an opportunity will be offered to abolish this lamentable evil.

Change happens by listening and then starting a dialogue with the people who are doing something you don’t believe is right.

I do believe that in order to be a successful negotiator that as a diplomat, you have to be able to put yourself into the other person’s shoes.

You can’t insure against the future, except by really believing in the best bit of you, and in the power beyond it.

We all have a social mask, right? We put it on, we go out, put our best foot forward, our best image. But behind that social mask is a personal truth, what we really, really believe about who we are and what we’re capable of.

I consider myself an artist, which is, like, the most played term, but I believe it.

First thing every morning before you arise say out loud, ‘I believe,’ three times.

People often think I’m a faker, but I’m usually honest, in a certain way–in such a way that often nobody believes me!