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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

Ambrose Bierce

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Art Human Limitation Reason Thinking Understand
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Body Man Ocean World
Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Machine Technology Transformation
MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people’s beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Belief Body History Invention Original People True
Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
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Administration Condition Country Failure Himself Leaving Person Politics Security
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Governement Party Prevent Rival Run
Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Animal Digest Eat Goodness Man Science
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Marriage People Person Support
Aborigines, n.: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
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Country Discover Fertilization Person
He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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Alarm Difficult Himself Thinking
The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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Country Development Engagement Existence People Strife
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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Community Marriage Master Mistress Slave
What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.
AMBROSE BIERCE

Believe Country Democracy Oneself Ruin
PITY, n. A failing sense of exemption, inspired by contrast.
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Contrast Fall Sense
The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.
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Fall Hard Himself Man
Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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Disappointment Perspective Time

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

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