I got my computer. The great thing about the computer is that you only need enough money to buy a computer and some food, and you’re all right. I don’t have to go to premières.
NORM MACDONALDYou know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.
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A suspicious person is the rival of him that deceives, both seem to practice a knowledge of cunning device, and equable sense of disengenuous merit.
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In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
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I think clever people think that poor people are stupid.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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A lot of writers come from Harvard and such, and are rich, and they write under the misapprehension that poor people are stupid. So when they do write them, they are hillbillies or rednecks or Christian idiots.
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Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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During misfortunes, nothing aggravates our condition more, than to be esteemed deserving of them.
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Scientists believe they may have discovered a primitive form of life on Jupiter’s moon Europa. That primitive form of life? You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
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You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don’t care for him.
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The joy a person is usually seen to express at the conversion of another to his opinion is seldom more than the impulse of egotistical satisfaction at being considered worthy of didactic imitation.
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Comedy is surprises, so if you’re intending to make somebody laugh and they don’t laugh, that’s funny.
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It is vain to complain of fortune while we fail in policy and conduct.
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When people told the audience that [Sam Kinison] was good, he was accepted after that.
NORM MACDONALD