Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANMany people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
SPIKE MILLIGAN