Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHTExperience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Clones are people two.
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT