When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTIt was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
STEVEN WRIGHT