Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHTA clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHT






