If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
STEVEN WRIGHTSome friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
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My nephew has HDADHD. High Definition Attention Deficit Disorder. He can barely pay attention, but when he does it’s unbelievably clear.
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The older you get, the more you learn to see what you’ve been taught to see. When you’re a kid, you see what’s there.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
STEVEN WRIGHT