“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.

Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.

Having one true person by your side is worth anything you lost.

It is that we are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love, never no helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object of its love.

Every moment spent in unhappiness is a moment of happiness lost.

You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.

Anything lost, can be found again, except for time wasted. A vision without action is merely a dream. Action, it’s the grind, it’s the hustle, it’s the persistence.

We lose the importance of life because we have lost ourselves.

A battle lost or won is easily described, understood, and appreciated, but the moral growth of a great nation requires reflection, as well as observation, to appreciate it.

Knowledge of divine things for the most part is lost to us by incredulity.