I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
STEVEN WRIGHTOn the other hand, you have different fingers.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read”
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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Clones are people two.
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My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
STEVEN WRIGHT






