If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGANWe were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN