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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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$Steven Wright Quote - Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.$

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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