If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
STEVEN WRIGHTEverywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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I got a new dog. He’s a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he’s not sure what I threw him.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring… ‘How to Build a Boat.’
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
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I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
STEVEN WRIGHT






