If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
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How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
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Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.
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How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
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Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
STEVEN WRIGHT