When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
STEVEN WRIGHTHow do you get off a non-stop flight?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
STEVEN WRIGHT -
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I wish the first word I ever said was the word “quote”, so right before I die I could say “unquote”.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
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Clones are people two.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Half the people you know are below average.
STEVEN WRIGHT