If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
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Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Half the people you know are below average.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
STEVEN WRIGHT -
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Clones are people two.
STEVEN WRIGHT






