How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
STEVEN WRIGHTIf Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?
More Steven Wright Quotes
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Clones are people two.
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Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
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When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
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When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child… eventually.
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Half the people you know are below average.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
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Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don’t have film.
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I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Always remember your unique, just like everyone else.
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Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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No one is listening until you make a mistake.
STEVEN WRIGHT