“Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.”

It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.

I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.

With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.

I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.

I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.

Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.

If the misery of the poor be caused not by the laws of nature, but by our institutions, great is our sin.

Shout out to Sting: that’s the G.O.A.T. right there. The goat. Greatest of all time.

Man’s greatness consists in his ability to do and the proper application of his powers to things needed to be done.

The greatness of a mind is determined by the depth of its suffering.

If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.

The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend as to find a friend worth dying for.

Greatness is not this wonderful, esoteric, elusive, god-like feature that only the special among us will ever taste, it’s something that truly exists in all of us.

If religion had a good purpose, then man would have created something great. But we’re man: we mess up everything. We mess up nature. We mess up God. We take what is given to us and make it into what we think it should be.