Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
STEVE MARTINI actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
STEVE MARTIN