I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTINI actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
STEVE MARTIN






